Casual sex - More moans than groans

Almost everybody's doing it. The question is, should you? Frenchkiss spills the beans on what you could be missing out during your nights of wild frolicking.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- By Mabel Ong

[eastciti.com, november 30]
Not surprisingly, pre-marital sex is becoming so rampant in today's society. Overheard one day over the next table at a coffee joint, one young 20-something female was hollering about how her recent weight-loss body programme has pumped up extra zest in her sex life, leaving her lover totally mesmerised by her newfound beauty.

Do not think only the bitches and sluts on this earth are engaging in kinky, animalistic explorations. Even the most ordinary, unlikely candidate is an object of pre-marital sex. I suspect my friend who perpetually curses those who practise such 'licentious' deeds before proclaiming their marriage vows is actually guilty of committing the act herself. Incidentally, the female who was unknowingly sharing her experiences to half the café turned out to be a slightly corpulent, highly unattractive unmarried woman. And I'm not alarmed.

There are some hormone-raging young adolescents who get embroiled in pre-marital sex to experiment while others may haphazardly stumble upon this option when they are in the heat of passion. Still, others are coaxed into doing it by their partners with the ever clichéd line, " If you love me, you'll do it". This is such a lame reverse psychology trick that even I, the usually rational thinker fell for. Many others succumb to peer pressure, afraid they would be seen as the 'outcasts' of society. After all, everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't I. We are crossing the new millennium whereby pre-marital sex is openly condoned and it's no longer a tabooed subject or promiscuous to be seen as a deflowered object.

Honestly, I'm not a stickler for sanctimonious holier-than-thou attitudes. I do have many out-of-this world sins to confess. But for one thing, I beg to differ of the view that pre-marital sex is ok. The issue here is not about preserving your virginity. Personally, I think that sex outside marriage is a signal that something is amiss. According to Alice Fryling, speaker of Intervarsity Social Health Association, "Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not a means of intimacy." We often think that physical sexual experiences bring us closer to our partner, but really, true intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communication as well. Think of the prowling prostitutes along the streets of Geylang, I suppose their daily sexual encounters don't make them develop intimacy with their sex partners, do they?

Still, there are the wild-at-hearts who see casual sex without long-term commitments as both fun and freeing. You are not tied down to one boring partner who may have limited movements in his ligament, but you are free to fleet about as a wild butterfly in pursuit of the sweetest pollen. To them, sex is adventurous, experimental and stirring. Yet commitment and responsibility aside, sex becomes merely a tool to camouflage lust and an instrument to satisfy men's controllable desires.

Then again, maybe the term pre-marital sex is politically wrong. One does not have to wait till you're legally married to be able to truly enjoy the best of sex. To me, sex between 2 maturely in love people is not intolerable. Nonetheless, those who settle for short-term sexual relationships are settling for second-best sex.

I think what sums up my sentiments about pre-marital sex can be put in the words of journalist George Leonard, "Casual recreational sex is hardly a feast, not even a good hearty sandwich. It is a diet of fast food served in plastic containers. Life's feast is available only to those who are willing and able to engage life on a deeply personal level, giving all, holding back nothing." Like savouring every treasured bite of an authentic international buffet spread? For this, I really wouldn't know. Perhaps 10 years later down the road of my marriage, I'll further enlighten you on my precious philosophy of sexology.

Does casual sex make you groan or moan?
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