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Girls Who Pick Up Men
An
old secondary school pal of mine dropped the bombshell on the group
of us the other night. She had met an interesting-looking guy in
a bookstore one day and, get this, had the audacity to actually
ask him out! Now, now, I don't know about the rest of you, but my
group of old school chums had always subscribed to the conservative
school of thought - that men should do the chasing and ladies, the
waiting. To have one of us break convention speaks a lot about how
the rules have changed.
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By Tanny Chia
 [eastciti.com,
September 25]
The
shocking confession from Sue that night out had launched the group
of us into an animated discussion on the virtues (or otherwise)
of females dropping the pick-up line. We were especially fascinated
by the opportunities that such a prospect opened up to us- imagine,
no longer do we have to wear enigmatic smiles on our faces while
batting our lashes furiously at dishy potentials, only to have our
efforts fall flat at the feet of these myopic males. We can actually
go right up to Mr Sexy himself, drop him a devastatingly witty line
and lead him by the tie out the door. Then perhaps, we'll find that
we've been waiting for each other all our lives, get hitched and
finally, the juicy Baby Bonuses the government's been dangling will
start making sense. Ha, the stuff dreams are made of.
All
Talk, No Action
But *poof *, wake up, girl! This is no dream but the 21st century.
Who's to stop us if we decide to walk up to him and plant a kiss on
those sultry lips of his if we so choose? Problem is, the thought
of taking things into our own hands is more appealing than the actual
doing so. At least it is among the modern and otherwise independent
women I spoke to.
A
casual poll proved that while the majority thought nothing of a
female picking up a man, only 2 had actually put the thought to
action. Among the uninitiated, the common refrain for not making
a move was the fear that the attraction was not mutual. "It's got
to be a 2-way feeling." 26-year-old Lyn reasons, "If he is not interested,
then forget it. If he's interested yet not brave enough, why bother?
"
At first glance, her explanation sounds pretty logical. But on further
thought, we realise that for Lyn as for the majority of us, we are
still putting the onus on the men to take the lead in the dating
game and therefore, any rejection that comes. Put simply, we fear
having our ego bruised and prefer not putting ourselves at risk.
As Lisa, 27, sums up, "I'll wait and see if the attraction is mutual,
then wait for him to make the first move."
Make
The Move, But Make It Right
There will always be a place for the traditional ladies who enjoy
the thrill of being chased. But how about those of us who are tired
of waiting around in our skinny heels for our dream guy to appear
in a puff of smoke? What if we set eyes one day on The One with the
wry smile, kind eyes and intellectual glasses? Won't it just kill
us to wonder if we may have passed up on someone really good? Can't
swallow this thought? Then take a cue from some go-getting gals who
have dared put their hearts on a string. The key to placing the odds
in your favour, it seems, lies in keen observation, strategic planning,
and of course, common sense.
Read
The Signals
"If he's not showing any interest, aren't you shooting yourself in
the foot?" my outspoken friend, Jo, says. She's right. Observe his
body language, looks and of course, the company he's with. No use
marching right up to him with bravado, only to have his girlfriend
step in to give you the shove.
Be
A Flirt
Jo advises, "If the signs are positive, flirt and see if he takes
the bait." Ahh, flirting - the secret weapon of smart women the world
over. Gaze at him meaningfully, smile, finger your earrings, smile.
More often than not, an interested man will pick up your cues and
take the initiative. If he doesn't but smiles back, move in.
Are
The Surroundings Right?
Bernadette, 25, says, "In a pub or club, the likelihood of me getting
to know a guy other than physically, between the sheets, is very low."
Of course, if all you want is some no-strings-attached shmoozing,
a nightspot might just be the right place. But booze and loud music
makes sizing up the right material that much harder. Take it from
Bernadette, who only makes her move in more wholesome social gatherings.
Be
A Lady
This comes from me. Male friends I've spoken to recount incidences
where the girl comes on too strongly, turning them off rather than
on. Make the move, but be subtle and gracious about it. And I don't
mean grabbing his bon-bon on the dance floor, no matter how cute it
might look.
The
Men Are Beckoning
"It's an equal world out there, at least in Singapore. So I would
think that it's fair for both sexes to 'hit on' each other and make
the first move." 27-year-old Oliver says. And he's not alone in thinking
this. Most of the men I polled shared his sentiments on women who
take the initiative. Dot-commer CK explains further, "It really depends
on how aggressive she is. Some women are outright aggressive - they
propose going to bed on the first date. I will be appalled at this
as the Asian woman should be less forthright in matters of a sexual
nature. But if it's just hitting for a dinner date or meeting, that'll
be alright with me."
Indeed,
it does seem that if we do it right, men more than welcome the attention
from us. In fact, business development executive Seng Meng quickly
adds, "I'll be flattered, and if I like her too, we can see how
things go."
Need
more prodding? My brave friend Sue was all nerves and jitters when
planning her move, but her boldness paid off. The cute guy in the
bookstore said yes.
Asian guys are still conservative and do
not take readily to the idea of girls picking them up. Do you agree?
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