"I'm not ready to marry till 30 and I'm only 25. Wait till then for sex? That's too long to wait. Casual sex gives me a break from the stress of living. It's good plain fun, without the strings of commitment." Dialogue from an American sitcom? Think again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------  By Tanny Chia

<eastciti.com, september 8>
Gone are the days when we sat pretty at home and swung our 3-inch feet while wealthy suitors piled on the dowry to win our oh- so-fair hands. Women today know what they want and how to get it. And I'm not even talking about marriage. Like Jo, the PR consultant whom we quoted above, young Asian women, especially the educated jet-set, no longer see sex as a sacred act to be indulged in only within the constraints of marriage. Premarital sex or fornication, a word traditionally used when denouncing the act of sex outside marriage, is now not only tolerated but generally accepted as common 'practice', even among young women who do not approve of it because of personal values or religion.

Hear from Lisa, a 27-year-old Christian, who will try as much as possible to control her urges because of her religion, but who says "premarital sex is a norm, almost every unmarried couple will engage in it at some point in time". Or Elin, a married 26-year-old financial analyst in Hong Kong, who laments, "What else can I do but be tolerant? Look on the streets, they (people who engage in extramarital sex) are everywhere." Yes, they are. We have seen or heard about the provocatively-clad young women who strut alone into clubs and leave an hour later with strangers on their arms, but we don't even have to look that far to know that unmarried friends around us, perhaps even ourselves, are sexually active.

Not that many of us care to admit to our nightly adventures in front of just about anyone we know, and especially not to family members. While it is not uncommon to hear about a certain girl's numerous sexploitations on campus or in the office, these hearsay remain just that, circulated talk, and about other people. Even in this new millennium, we're hard pressed to find a single lady who proudly comes into the office one morning and declare her scintillating escapade the night before. If at all, discussions about sex are more likely shared between close friends and even so, topics touched on are general.

It seems like the newly-empowered Asian woman, for all her newfound confidence in her sexuality, seems less bold when it comes to admitting to her sexual activities. The fact that such tight- lipped silence does not seem to apply among married women is especially telling. Perhaps, the new liberal Asia on a whole still frowns on unmarried women who have bedtime partners? Happily-attached Ann confirms this. "It is hard for us (women) to admit to this new attitude towards sex. From young, we were taught that girls who have sex without marriage are bad. I sleep with my boyfriend but my parents still think I'm behaving myself. I suspect that many of my friends also do, but we never question each other or admit to it. It's as if we're still trying to conform to this image of a 'good' girl," she says. So, what if society does not disapprove of such attitudes? "Many more will come clean about their sexual attitudes."

So, the question remains to be answered, are we as sexually liberal as we think we are? After all, to be unmarried and sexually active and yet have qualms admitting it does not say much for freedom, which liberation is all about. As Jo points out, men have been sowing their wild oats indiscriminately for time immemorial. If liberty is also about gender equality, why should society still frown on Asian women who choose not to place all their eggs with one basket (pardon the pun), and what does it mean for modern women like us who fancy ourselves sexually-liberated?

Maybe, as 26-year-old Bernadette seems to suggest, we've been looking for clues in all the wrong places. Perhaps, being sexually liberated is not about whether we engage in wanton sex and whether society deems this behaviour right or wrong. As she puts it, sexual liberation should be about being more aware about sex and sexuality, and most importantly, being able to "choose the (sexual) lifestyle we want to have". If that's the case, Asian women have indeed come a long way from our feet-binding days.

Photos by Patrick Shaw, reproduced courtesy of ELLE Singapore

What do you think? Is sexual liberation about attitudes or about lifestyle?
>> Share your views in our message board